The subject of carnage on our roads has occupied the press constantly, and it is thus understandable that the various traffic departments have looked into the matter.
An intense study by the officials involved has produced the following observations and suggestions:
• Deaths and injuries on the roads are mainly caused by vehicles.
• In order to reduce the mayhem, something must be done about these vehicles.
These insightful conclusions produced the following decision:
• Vehicles must be eliminated from the roads entirely.
The brilliance of this decision however was limited by the realisation that transport is essential to our various communities.
Again, quite brilliantly, it was proposed that bicycles be used instead. It would, of course, mean that buses and trucks would have to be propelled by teams of cyclists, up to about 30 or 40 each.
The advantages are manifest.
For example, it would substantially reduce general obesity. But a problem arose when it occurred to authorities that the process would eliminate traffic departments.
The suggestion was abandoned.
Next idea: Speed limits would be reduced to 10km/h for all vehicles on all roads.
The thought that speed limits should be reduced from 120km to 100km, and 60km to 40km was scrapped, as it would not improve the applicable statistics to any noticeable degree.
Again, the advantages are manifest:
As it would take 10 to 20 days to travel from Johannesburg to Plettenberg Bay, the tourism industry would expand exponentially. The number of B&Bs would explode. Obviously, foreigners pay a lot more so our economy benefits.
Travellers could sit back and enjoy our countryside without the stress of speed.
Loss of revenue through speeding fines could be counter-balanced by increasing fines to, say, R5,000 to R10,000 for every kilometre or so that speed goes over 10km.
The list goes on, but we know politicians would not pass legislation unless they were exempted.
‘Mildly Concerned’, Plett